Thursday, January 7, 2010

The Toughest Battle and Most Powerful "Weapon"

I've got some good news and bad news and I think some more good news. I got a new job teaching at Central Virginia Community College. I understand its not the most prestigious institution, but it certainly beats being homeless! If that were my only problem I would feel pretty good right now. But my wife left me on Sunday morning and she took my daughter with her.

That is the bad news. But the good news is that I have been extremely blessed by the Lord. Through his power and grace the large amounts of anger and resentment that I feel is largely controlled. Leaving is bad enough, but the circumstances of her departure make it worse. This is the "toughest battle" part of the title. She tends to make irrational decisions when depressed, and this is the worst manifestation of that tendency.

But, the additional good news is that the most powerful "weapon" is the love of God and the perfect brightness of hope that still dwells in my heart, lessens the pain, and gives me a belief, however faint, that my marriage can still be saved. I put weapons in quotations because the true possessor of charity would not use it for selfish gain. But in this case, the charity and hope placed in my heart by the Lord is a very effective and blessed tool for keeping my despair and heartache manageable. The love of God in my heart helps my realize that an untreated mental illness is largely to blame and helps me care for well being her even more. It also provides the hope that I will be a happy and successful single or married man and father.

Please pray for me and my wife. I will continue to post here as my mental health and energy permit.

10 comments:

Michaela Stephens said...

I'm happy for your new job, and I'm sad to hear about your wife leaving. It sounds like you are going to the right source for comfort. I would also encourage you to write all about it in your journal, so that the difficult feelings have someplace to go rather than just staying inside. Also, definitely talk to your bishop about it. It will give you some relief and support from the priesthood.

If you and your wife can overcome this obstacle, your marriage will be stronger than it was before. (It may not seem like it from where you sit, but it is true.)

I'm praying for you.

Morgan Deane said...

Thank you Michaela.

Morgan Deane said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Morgan Deane said...

Well now I don't have that job. So its bad news, bad news, and God helping me.

thefirestillburning said...

Morgan:

You, your wife, and your daughter of course have my prayers. Get help anywhere and everywhere you can get it, the church, the military support groups, professional counseling.

More than 20 years ago I had to choose between supporting my congregation (I was pastor) or stepping away to protect my wife and daughter. Although I'd been trained all my life that my priesthood was most important, the Spirit made clear to me that abandoning my wife to keep running my congregation would cost me, in a very real sense, my soul.

I don't know what the Spirit will tell you, because I know nothing of your situation or your wife's. But hear the Spirit above all else.

God bless you and keep you, and may his light shine upon all three of you.

FireTag

thefirestillburning said...

Still keeping you, your wife, and your daughter in mind, brother.

FireTag

Morgan Deane said...

Thank you. Things are still really tough. But I am doing my part and trying to stay close to the Lord.

David J. West said...

We are remebering you all too Morgan. Let us know if there is anything we can do beyond Prayer.

Morgan Deane said...

Thanks David. Things are getting better bit by bit. The dominant theme of recieved counsel from God is patience and love for my wife. And trust in God for a full time job.

thefirestillburning said...

Your friends are still praying for you and your family, Morgan.