Posts
Greetings everyone. I'm sorry I haven't been able to post in awhile, I have been busy with the problems I already detailed. On that front, Shannon hasn't filed for divorce yet but all of her problems with me remain. My love for her remains strong and I will travel to Las Vegas on Tuesday to see her and my daughter. Hopefully this will help improve matters.
In other news, I have been hired by American Public University to teach American history. And my paper on Military Theory and Practice in the Late Ming Dynasty has been accepted for the annual Society for Military History Conference. For members of the church, this is equivalent to being invited to speak at General Conference. Both these developments are a huge boost for my budding career, but seem incredibly empty without my family here to enjoy it with me.
Saturday, January 30, 2010
Thursday, January 7, 2010
The Toughest Battle and Most Powerful "Weapon"
I've got some good news and bad news and I think some more good news. I got a new job teaching at Central Virginia Community College. I understand its not the most prestigious institution, but it certainly beats being homeless! If that were my only problem I would feel pretty good right now. But my wife left me on Sunday morning and she took my daughter with her.
That is the bad news. But the good news is that I have been extremely blessed by the Lord. Through his power and grace the large amounts of anger and resentment that I feel is largely controlled. Leaving is bad enough, but the circumstances of her departure make it worse. This is the "toughest battle" part of the title. She tends to make irrational decisions when depressed, and this is the worst manifestation of that tendency.
But, the additional good news is that the most powerful "weapon" is the love of God and the perfect brightness of hope that still dwells in my heart, lessens the pain, and gives me a belief, however faint, that my marriage can still be saved. I put weapons in quotations because the true possessor of charity would not use it for selfish gain. But in this case, the charity and hope placed in my heart by the Lord is a very effective and blessed tool for keeping my despair and heartache manageable. The love of God in my heart helps my realize that an untreated mental illness is largely to blame and helps me care for well being her even more. It also provides the hope that I will be a happy and successful single or married man and father.
Please pray for me and my wife. I will continue to post here as my mental health and energy permit.
That is the bad news. But the good news is that I have been extremely blessed by the Lord. Through his power and grace the large amounts of anger and resentment that I feel is largely controlled. Leaving is bad enough, but the circumstances of her departure make it worse. This is the "toughest battle" part of the title. She tends to make irrational decisions when depressed, and this is the worst manifestation of that tendency.
But, the additional good news is that the most powerful "weapon" is the love of God and the perfect brightness of hope that still dwells in my heart, lessens the pain, and gives me a belief, however faint, that my marriage can still be saved. I put weapons in quotations because the true possessor of charity would not use it for selfish gain. But in this case, the charity and hope placed in my heart by the Lord is a very effective and blessed tool for keeping my despair and heartache manageable. The love of God in my heart helps my realize that an untreated mental illness is largely to blame and helps me care for well being her even more. It also provides the hope that I will be a happy and successful single or married man and father.
Please pray for me and my wife. I will continue to post here as my mental health and energy permit.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)